After recently taking known gate-way drug cannabis while participating in a Channel 4 documentary designed to explore drug use and disgust Daily Mail readers, Jon Snow, is now on an unstoppable path of self destruction.
It has been alleged by close members of his family, concerned with his downward spiral, that the weasel chinned Channel 4 presenter is now “proper keen” to try other drugs.
According to the family, Jon’s behaviour has changed drastically, “he is lethargic and has been reluctant to work”, it is also alleged is that he has on more than one occasion floated the idea of getting dreadlocks. Jon was even visibly high on a Channel 4 news broadcast last night which saw him sign off with middle class yogic humble-brag, Namaste.
It is widely believed that Snow has now unlocked the drug gateway since smoking the cannabis smoke from a balloon and has been smoking, or in shrill media-speech “using”, the drug ever since.
Jon’s habit is believed to have escalated when he decided to try cannabis for a second time but in an environment that wasn’t a panic inducing MRI machine while being filmed.
After failing to dissuade Jon his family reluctantly went along with his drug abuse and sat around a nice campfire in his forest home with family friend Bill Oddie who lit up a tightly packed marijuana cigarette, took a blow described as big and then passed it to Jon saying, “Here Jon, it’s your go”.
The Channel 4 newsman took a hit and coughed but this time when he looked up he felt no despair because there were no cameras, just a warm comfort.
It was then that the family pet dog farted on to the campfire causing an eruption of flames and laughter, leaving Jon crying with hysterics. Jon then turned to Bill Oddie and asked “What are other drugs like?”
The Snow family thought that he must have be joking but when they looked at his face it had assumed its famous Channel 4 newsman aspect and was very much po, with not even the hint of a grin. Oddie, with the fervor of a man who has been breaking the monotony of a career watching birds by regularly imbibing anything he can get his hands on, immediately agreed to put Jon in contact with “a geezer I know”.
Since this experience Jon has been wanting to quit the Channel 4 News but is finding it hard to get out of his 50 year contract with the corporation. Close friends have revealed that he is looking to embark on a soul-searching journey around India, wanting to meet mutual free thinkers.
His wife is distraught, “This cannabis experience has opened up the gateway to Jon becoming dangerously self-destructive. This must be what they were warning about all this time, one thing leads to another, drip by drip, I want my husband back.”
The Metropolitan police have issued a warning, “We urge anyone that spots Mr Snow to not approach him, cannabis is highly contagious and deadly. Being within close proximity of the substance can cause a contact high and once the high sets in people have been known to see the world in a different way.”
