America’s leading celebrity douche, Kanye West, has revealed that he is both physically and emotionally butt hurt after former lover Amber Rose made a damaging fingering allegation against the rap star.
Rose, best known for being a person who everyone knows but aren’t really sure why, claimed that she “wasn’t around to play in ur asshole anymore” when responding to Kanye during his much publicised Twitter beef with her current bae Wiz Khalifa earlier this week.
Rose, who claims she regularly went “knuckle deep” in West’s back passage during their two year relationship, also revealed that her finger was not the only thing to invade the rapper’s anal cavity.
“Honestly, Kanye’s butt is like a man drawer, anything he has that doesn’t have a practical use is pretty much guaranteed to end up in there at some stage,” explained Rose earlier today. “Some of the things he got me to put up there when we were together are really weird, but that’s just Kanye for you.”
“Most people keep their Grammys on their mantelpiece or in an awards cabinet,” continued Rose. “Not Kanye though. Uh uh! He keeps his right up in his butt. Actually, every award he’s ever won has spent time inside him. I don’t know who the manages to get those things up there but he does. His ass is like a rubber band.”
“If Stephen Hawking is really interested in super massive black holes, he should really come and check Kanye out.”
Meanwhile, West has claimed that Rose is “full of shit” and although she “may have stuck a pinky up there once” the rest of her claims are nonsense.
“I was in a bad place when me and Amber were together,” claimed the rapper. “I was questioning my sexuality after South Park called me a gay fish, which I’m not, and I may have asked her to pop a finger in there just to reassure myself that I was straight.”
“I didn’t enjoy it at all,” continued West. “Even thinking about it now is giving me pain in my ass so there’s definitely no way she put anything else up there. There have been a few unfortunate moments where I’ve sat on things, like carrots and milk bottles, and they’ve ended up in my butt but they were all purely accidental.”
According to West’s wife Kim Kardashian, the rapper has taken Rose’s comments extremely badly and has now locked himself in his “Vaseline and award” storage cupboard.
