Kanye West Launches Petition To Have Face Added To Mount Rushmore
Hyper-egotistical clothes horse and international hate figure, Kanye “Yeezy” West, has responded to critics of his planned Glastonbury appearance by launching a rival petition to prove how loved he is by having his face added to Mt. Rushmore.
West, believed by himself and morons to be the greatest rapper of all time, made the claim that “the people who aren’t happy with me playing Glastonbury are just a small percentage of non-Kanye fans” and that to prove how regarded he is he’d “create a petition to prove that by getting my face on Mt. Rushmore”.
“Next to the white dudes off my money,” added Kanye who, when asked if any other rappers deserve to have their face immortalised on the mountain side merely shook his head and said, “no, it should be four of me, College Dropout Kanye right through to Yeezus Kanye”.
Mount Rushmore is famously a monument in the United States on which there are carved in solid stone the faces of former presidents including George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, Kanye is the first living non-President to attempt to be immortalized on the rock face.
A similar monument commemorating George W. Bush’s tenure as president can be found in GOP headquarters where it was carved in cheese by a small fat child and opened with a machine gun salute by nasally-voiced people who hate Arabs and love flags.
Kanye claims that he is “more relevant to American popular consciousness than some old presidents who probably never even produced a single sick hook and that it’s about time America respected visionaries like [him].”
“I’mma have the sculpture chiselled using diamond bits, by Parisian artists with exquisite skills that’ll mould that rock to be the greatest cultural artifice since Mikey’s David,” gushed Kanye when reporters caught him out for a jog wearing nothing but leather shorts. “It’s going to be lit up green at night and massive speakers are going to play Jesus Walks on repeat for the tourists.”
Kanye has also revealed plans to perform a concert from his own massive forehead upon completion of the sculpture, a show which he has described as being “like Close Encounters of the Third Kind except with worse music and Kim Kardashian”.
So far the petition has attracted zero signatures as most people feel that Kanye is an attention seeking twerp with “no flow who should stick to producing and put the mike away”.