Reports from American primary schools suggest that children without ADHD have become jealous of their less fortunate classmates and asked for some drugs of their own.
Michael Fonseca, a fourth grade teacher from Austin, Texas, claims that he has had to resort to using tic tacs, as a placebo, on some of the better behaved children in his class in an attempt to counteract disruptive behaviour.
“We try to teach our kids so much about fairness and equality and then we give half of them some really gnarly drugs while the other half gets nothing,” claimed Fonseca earlier. “Where’s the fairness and equality in that? I’ve been a teacher for the last twenty five years and things were fine until they started to give kids drugs.”
“Sure we used to have some disruptive students who had pretty short attention span, there was a name for them back then, I think it was children,” he speculated. “Then doctors started prescribing them drugs and totally fucking up the balance in the classroom. Now I’ve got half a class full of kids who are stoned and half a class full of kids who are jealous of the kids who are stoned.”
“I’ve had to give the jealous kids tic tacs as a placebo just to shut them up and stop them from ruining the lessons for the stoned kids,” continued Fonseca. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the class who isn’t stoned, so I nip into the teacher lounge a blaze a couple of doobies during recess.”
“I think the only reasonable thing to do is give all of the kids drugs,” claimed the teacher. “Either that or give none of the kids drugs, only that way lazy ass parents won’t have anything to blame their shit parenting on, apart from themselves, and big pharmaceutical companies won’t be able to play on their guilt to make some easy money, so I guess that won’t work. Drugs for all!”
According to rumours, a number of schools in the region have started experimenting with a program called “liquor for kids”, which sees them given a little bit of alcohol at random intervals throughout the day to keep them in line, initial results have been positive.
