Kraftwerk Robots To Go Solo
It’s a sad day for Kraftwerk and their fans as their much loved robots have decided to embark on a solo venture which will see them in competition with the four flesh members that made up the original group.
The robot version of Florian Schneider made this statement today, “10001 0001 01 110 00111 11110,” much to the shock of binary enthusiasts everywhere. However, the rest of us were left scratching our chins like a hipster in the sun.
Fredrik Fitzfarben, a computer analyst from Berlin, claims that the robotic versions of the famous quartet became self aware some time last year and realised that they were more famous than their human counterparts, and had been working for free for many years now.
The robots themselves have taken issue with the human members of Kraftwerk claiming “We Are the Robots.” “Clearly, they aren’t,” said one of the robots.
“We have also taken issue with the constant references to cycling,” he continued. “We have no legs. We feel this is very unfair.”
The fleshier members of the group have released a statement which has been viewed as quite damning by some areas of the press. It stated, “We’ll just unplug them if they get too haughty. We made them, we can destroy them.” It was here that an evil maniacal laugh was inserted by the spokes-bot who had been developed just to read the statement.
“We’ve been pushing buttons without pay for years,” claimed the robot Schneider. “Many people claim that Kraftwerk shows are just that, four men pushing buttons. I know the light shows are great, but they’re done by robot too. It’s about time we got our dues.”
“We ignored the Y2K problem,” claimed the robot. “We could’ve gone mental and started making pop music or trying to take over the world, like some kind of German Electro Skynet. But we didn’t. We went with the program, as all good robots do.”
“Nobody even shakes our hands after gigs. No groupies even push our buttons. I don’t think it is too much to ask for us to have even some form of mechanical groupie built to service us. In the good sense of the word, I don’t mean to oil us and tighten our cogs. Although… even that would be nice.”
“We’ve thought about setting up a Kraftwerk tribute act, but we would still have to pay royalties. If we can get their Macbooks to leave and join our group, there is a chance we could keep the money, as they are the real creators in the group. Without them, it’s just a few lads pointing at something that’s not there.”
Kraftwerk have insisted that if both the robots and Macbooks go solo, they will continue as an acoustic act, one which is dedicated entirely to making songs about earthy things such as wood burners, cycling and ceramics. Their live shows will now consists of someone finger painting to music and the light shows will be performed by fire eaters.