Lad Hoping To Land “Dream Job” In Ibiza Already Quit To Become Drug Dealer

A lad who moved to Ibiza earlier this month in pursuit of his “dream job” has already quit work to become a drug dealer.

Dean Murphy, who was hired by Defected as a ticket seller, claimed the job wasn’t for him and now intends to “shift a bit of gear” to support his summer in Ibiza.

“I’ve always wanted to work, in any way, for Defected,” explained Murphy earlier. “I love everything about them, the tunes, the parties, the DJs, they’re pretty much my ideal buzz but after getting the job and realising that I’d actually have to work I’ve decided that I shouldn’t be mixing business and pleasure and packed it in.”

“I had this idea in my head that working in Ibiza would be all about partying, getting smashed and shagging wordies,” revealed the twenty-two year old. “You know, like a sixth-month long holiday but it actually turns out working in Ibiza is pretty much just like working at home, only you have more fun and the money’s way shitter, so I decided I’m just going to sell a bit of gear instead.”

“This way I’ll be able to go to as many clubs and parties as I like and I’ll never have to worry about getting up the next morning,” continued Murphy. “Instead of having a mantra of work hard, play hard, I’ll be operating under the modus operandi play hard, play hard. It is Ibiza after all if I wanted to work hard I would have stayed at home.”

“I’m not going to get too deep into the dealing though, just enough to get me by,” he claimed. “I’ll probably only sell to friends and friends of friends’. and then, maybe, friends of friends’ of friends’ and people I meet on the street or anyone that has money really.”

According to experts, approximately fifty percent of people in Ibiza are drug dealers, while the other fifty percent are locals.

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