A top secret point-of-view video of Nicky Romero’s recent DJ set at TomorroWorld has been leaked by an unidentified US military employee who makes the claim that Romero is in fact a sophisticated drone. The video shows the supposed DJ’s short trip from his backstage charging station to the main stage DJ booth and is filmed using one of the on-board high definition cameras that are present on all drones.
Suspicion has been recently brewing over Nicky Romero’s true position in the electronic music industry and the emergence of this video has confirmed that Mr. Romero is not just the button pressing, automaton people previously thought him to be, he’s also a robot.
Following the appearance of the video on YouTube and on popular media websites, the United States Department of Defense released the following statement which backs up the truthfulness of the leak.
Major General Arthur McAdams told reporters that, “Following the accidental release of the on-board video captured by one of our drones, codenamed ‘Mockery Iron’ – an anagram of Nicky Romero, the US military can confirm the existence of a program aimed at destroying the dance music industry in the United States. The mission, known as Operation Dub-stop, is designed to wipe out American citizens’ understanding and appreciation of electronic music. The objective of the operation is to use US military drones disguised as Dutch DJ’s to drop as many tonal bombs – specifically designed tracks that numb the listeners appreciation of music – on unsuspecting festival goers across the country as possible. The hope is that these bombs will corrupt the typical American music fan’s idea of what the electronic music scene is really about and prevent the industry from developing in a prosperous and organic way like it has in almost every other nation. So far so good.”
“Well one of the things that goes hand in hand with a vibrant musical or artistic culture is a freedom of expression which allows people within that culture to questions notions of state power, identity and government,” continued Maj. Gen. McAdams.
“This type of subversion is capable of undermining the fabric of our glorious nation and so through the concerted efforts of Operation Dub-stop we’ve sought to replace that type of sophistication in dance music culture with a concern for more immediate commercial interests like molly, being a hipster, neon face paint and having a cake thrown at you by a prancing idiot.”
It has also been revealed that the first drone of this class to be developed by the United States was modeled on the globally renowned Dutch DJ, Tiesto.
“When we used the same tactics to undermine pure hip-hop culture to make it all about money and opulence we had to eliminate some human operatives who threatened the program. To avoid similar situations we decided to use clones this time around. All of the methods and tactics that we’ve used in Operation Dub-stop were initially developed after we captured and cloned Tiesto. We noticed his music started to gain traction with US EDM fans and because he remained largely unknown we were able to capture and clone Tiesto,” explained Maj. Gen. McAdams.
“If you observe Tiesto’s career you’ll notice that he’s playing less and less trance and more noisy EDM. You might also notice that his eyes are closer together than they were before and his head is noticeably squarer that it was before.”
It is suspected that rather than being taught to actually DJ the clones are relying on sophisticated military technology to perform their sets. “If you look at Mockery Iron’s sets you’ll notice several tracks being manipulated without Mockery Iron touching the equipment. This isn’t because the set was pre-recorded in advance but simply due to the fact that Mockery Iron is using hands-free wireless technology embedded in his chin to operate the equipment and not his hands. All of our EDM drones have this facility.”
With news of Nicky Romero, pictured above demonstrating his wireless function, actually being a government drone being broadcast across all media outlets some of his fans have expressed their opinion about the revelations. “But don’t all drones make the world a safer place anyway?” asked one fan.
“I don’t care if it’s a Dutchman or a robot, as long as I can take my molly, drool on myself and listen to the same tracks all night then I’m happy,” stated another. “I don’t see the problem,” asserted one man. “Computers are better than things that are not-computers, like trees and spider webs, so surely a DJing robot is better than an actual DJ.”
Gold.