A local drug dealer has been sacked by his gangland bosses after failing to describe the pills he was selling as “banging”.
Thirty three year old Wayne Best, from South-East London, is believed to have cost his boss tens of thousands of pounds after failing to stick to the universal drug dealer script, resulting in him being sacked for failing to follow protocol.
“Yeah I got fired last week,” Wayne told us. “It all started when I got a call from some bird asking for a few pills. She said she wanted fifty of them for her and her mates who were off to some festival. When she asked me what they were like I said ‘yeah well nice, proper good’, that’s when she started to back track.”
“I couldn’t work out what was happening,” revealed the out of work dealer. “First she said the colour of them put her off. Then she said the picture on them looked weird. Then said tried telling me she had heard on the news that ‘someone had died off of these ones’. She was full of shit and giving me the hump.”
“After chatting for about half an hour she decided she didn’t want them because she thought she wouldn’t have a good time on them. Apparently she wasn’t looking for ‘well nice’ or ‘proper good’, she was looking for ‘banging’, that daft little bint is after costing me my job over a couple of poxy adjectives.”
Wunderground managed to catch up with the girl in question, Sarah Chambers, to ask her why she changed her mind, “Everybody knows when you ask a dealer what his pills are like the response always has to be ‘banging’. If they don’t saying ‘banging’, then something has got to be up with the pills. They’re probably dodgy or fake.”
“This keeps happening to me,” said Wayne. “I was about to sell a few pills to some bloke last week and told him that he would be ‘buzzing’ off of them and he literally threw them back at me and said they must be shit if they ain’t ‘banging’.”
“The week before that I got a phone call from someone asking what my pills were like, I said ‘the strongest you’ll get around here’. The person hung up on me, it doesn’t make any sense,” explained Wayne.
“I may be a drug dealer but I did go to school and get an education. I have an extensive vocabulary and feel the only way to do my product justice is to use a variety of descriptive words. Why can’t my boss or my customers understand this?”
Wunderground contacted Wayne’s boss who had this to say. “Wayne is a nice bloke with a big future in this industry if he can stick to the basics. We provide a script to all of our street team. It is obligatory these guys stick to this because, with the current economy the way it is, we cannot afford pill sales to falter just because of one maverick street dealer who thinks he has a poetic way with words”.