Edmond Faber (19) has been left chronically horizontal after an unfortunate incident which saw him take up to thirty chill pills in one night. The incident occurred sometime last night in Dublin, Ireland.
Initial reports indicate that a friend of the young man, who still has an interest in 90’s vernacular taken from teen sitcoms like Saved By The Bell, told Edmond to “take a chill pill” after the young man had become agitated over a game of Street Fighter 2.
His friend, who cannot be named for legal reasons due to their involvement with the tragedy, was reportedly unaware of the fact that Mr. Faber was in possession of a large amount of chill pills, which he had bought from his friendly neighbourhood dealer-man, “Shady Dave”.
Shady Dave was unavailable for comment, but his lawyer said he will make a statement via text message later this evening, “once he has flushed all the evidence”.
Friends of Mr. Faber have gathered at his bedside in an effort to keep his spirits up, however, Mr. Faber himself is reportedly unable to smile due to his being “way too fucking relaxed here to even smile, boys.”
The tragedy has seen the town pull together to raise awareness of the dangers of chill pills, with campaign, spearheaded by Mr. Faber’s father Frankie, that is set to utilise such slogans as “Frankie Says Don’t Relax” to encourage people to avoid the dreaded drug.
The latest reports indicate that Mr Faber is now stable, which doctors say is common for someone who is horizontal.
