Following the recent closure of Fabric and the tragic demise of Studio 338, London nightclubs are in danger of becoming extinct within the next two years.
According to endangered species expert David Attenborough, London nightclubs have joined the leatherback turtle, mountain gorilla and soapbar hash on the endangered species list.
Wunderground spoke to Mr Attenborough earlier, “London was once overrun with beautiful night clubs, it was a place where clubs could roam free and stay open until whatever time they wanted. Now, as a result of stupid political policies, their numbers have dwindled almost to the point of no return.”
In a bid to save London clubs from the clutches of extinction, Studio 338 staff have launched a Kickstarter campaign to rebuild and reopen the club, which was devastatingly destroyed by fire earlier this month.
“It’s great to see affirmative action being taken by members of the clubbing community,” continued a hopeful Attenborough. “With work like that being done by the staff at Studio 338 there is still hope for the capital’s nightclubs. Maybe one day we’ll see great clubs like their lesser spotted terrace appear in all of London’s boroughs once again.”
According to clubber John Hancock, “Tory poachers” such as David Cameron and Boris Johnson are to blame for the rapid decrease in club numbers.
“There were literally loads of clubs around here a few years ago. Then those Tory muppets started fucking with all the clubs. Now you’re lucky if you see any clubs at all. I’ve heard they’re sending them over to China, where they grind them up and put them into viagra.”
This post is published by Wunderground in association with and in support of Studio 338 and their rebuild efforts. Studio 338 is an amazing club, and we at Wunderground would like to see it open for business as soon as possible, especially during this somewhat turbulent time for London clubs. If Studio 338 meant something to you, then please support them to get the doors back open as quickly as possible, they are offering really great family rewards and many happy memories in return.
