A man who has been collecting his own piss in jars for the last ten years has announced that he plans to open a craft beer brewery in the near future.
Iain Jones, a self proclaimed “piss enthusiast” from Swansea, Wales, claims that he had been considering throwing some of his piss collection away when he had the idea to open the craft beer brewery.
“I was sitting here in my house, surrounded by ten years worth of piss in jars and thinking ‘what the fuck am I going to do with this lot’, when the idea to open a brewery hit me like a ton of bricks,” explained the collector and soon to be brewer earlier today. “I really need to clear some space to make way for the new piss and I was thinking I’d just have to throw some of it out but repackaging it and selling it as craft beer is a far better option, hopefully I’ll make a few quid out of it too and I’ll be able to move to a bigger apartment with extra storage space.”
“I’m no expert on the brewing process or the ins and outs of making a popular craft beer, but I have tasted the stuff and as far as I can tell it’s just piss and vodka,” claimed Mr Jones. “I’ve already got more than enough piss to get me started and I’ve just ordered two pallets of the cheapest vodka Albania has to offer so all I have to do now is sterilise my bathtub, with piss obviously, and I’ll be good to go. It’s an exciting time, not only for me but for the whole of Swansea, another craft beer brewery selling over priced and foul tasting beer is just what this city needs.”
“I’ve got a great selection of piss, the very light yellow stuff will be used to make larger, the darker yellow-orangey stuff will go into the ale mix, while the really dark, almost brown, stuff will be used for stout,” continued Jones. “So I’ve got all of the bases covered for now, I’d like to develop a cider recipe too so I’m going to start eating a lot of apples, we should see that launched in the new year.”
Market research suggests that Mr Jones’ craft beer will be well received by local “piss heads and hipsters”, although they may struggle to afford the RRP of £6.99 per bottle.
