An Irishman who attended this year’s Glastonbury festival has today contacted the festival’s lost and found department in search of his sanity.
Martin O’Grady, a thirty year old layabout and full time weed smoker, attended the illustrious festival with a group of friends and is “100% sure” he left his sanity somewhere on the Pennard Hill campsite.
“At first, when I was leaving, I thought I had my sanity stashed somewhere in the back of my head,” explained Mr. O’Grady shortly after making the call to the Somerset based festival. “I took a fair bit of acid and ketamine on the Sunday so I thought I was just still tripping balls and went with the flow.”
“It wasn’t until we got to Bristol airport that I started to get a bit worried about my situation,” continued the clearly disheveled O’Grady. “I was expecting the fear and I can handle going through airport checkins while under the influence of drugs but as I was getting closer to the security desk all that was going through my head was circus music and imaginary fireworks.”
“When they asked to see me boarding pass I completely froze,” revealed the forlorn Irishman. “I just stood there like a rabbit in the headlights, blew a raspberry with my tongue and pointed towards my pocket. If my friend’s hadn’t of been with me and able to get my boarding card and passport out of my pocket and usher me through I’d probably still be standing there now.”
“It’s been over two weeks and although the madness isn’t quite as bad or intense anymore I’m still not entirely back to normal, I’ve definitely left a large portion, if not all, of my sanity at the festival,” claimed O’Grady. “I just hope I’m able to find it because I’ll have to get back to normal life at some stage.”
According to festival staff, they have been overwhelmed with calls from people looking for their sanity and will do their “very best to reunite as many festival victims’ with theirs as possible”.
