A man who was awake for the majority of the weekend snorting cocaine has apparently blamed his runny nose on seasonal hay fever.
Twenty six year old office temp Barry Holmes was heard telling colleagues that there was an “extra high” pollen count today and that it was “playing havoc” with his sinuses.
“I had a proper banging weekend mate, I hardly slept a wink, it must have been four o’clock this morning before I finally crawled into my bed and I’d been out since Friday after work,” explained Holmes during a chat at the water cooler. “I was on the sniff big time man, think I must have gone through about half an ounce altogether, having it large mate, Having. It. Large.”
“Strangely enough I don’t actually feel too bad today, might have something to do with the fact that I’ve been chipping away at this bag of charlie while I’ve been working,” continued Holmes, who supports his drug habit by selling grams of cocaine to people on his estate. “The only problem is my nose is running like a fucking tap, I’m not even sure if I’m getting any white up there anymore.”
“I heard there was an extra high pollen count today so that must be what has me all snotty,” he surmised. “I don’t know what it is but there’s always a really high pollen count the days I want to do coke and I’m always left with a really runny nose. Sometimes I feel like I’m sniffing like a pervert in a second hand knickers shop and I’m hardly getting any coke into me at all.”
“It’s the same when I smoke weed and the pollen causes my eyes to go all red and watery. Maybe it’s because weed and coke both come from plants and they’ve got pollen in them or maybe it’s just nature’s way of telling me to give up the drugs. Either way I don’t really care, there’s no way I’m going to stop sniffing coke or smoking weed.”
