A man with a “shit load” of problems is believed to be “annoyed” that music didn’t answer any of them, despite what he was told in a house tune he’d heard earlier that day.
Nineteen year old Rory Pitts is said to have been found “dancing and prancing” alone in his bedroom by best mate Oli Johnson, under the impression that if he could just “keep on movin”, he’d “solve them”.
“Nothing has improved,” moaned Rory. “I’ve got my bird pregnant, I lost my job last week, I owe my weed dealer a few hundred quid and my mum is on my case. I heard this decent house tune a few days ago and it told me to ‘keep on movin’ so that’s what I’ve done for the last seventy two hours but it’s fixed nothing.”
Wunderground spoke to Oli to find out if Rory was really so stupid that he thought dancing around would fix his situation, “Yes he is,” confirmed Oli. “It’s pretty much how he got into this mess in the first place. He thought you couldn’t get pregnant doing it the first time, which they did. He also got his weed dealer to drop the bits off at Costa Coffee, where he works. Instant sacking. It’s as though the bloke doesn’t have a brain cell.”
“I’m going to have to assume music solves nothing,” announced Rory. “I’ve given it a fucking good go, dancing for three days, but I don’t feel any better for it. Now, all I am is ridiculously tired, with a bunch of problems. If anything, music has made my situation worse.”
