A splinter group of fringe music historians have today made the bold claim that French pop star David Guetta used to be a real life DJ.
The group, who were also responsible for uncovering the bones of Judge Jules career and carbon dating the first set of Technics, made the claim at a symposium on ancient ecstasy stash sites around Manchester.
“We’ve uncovered what we suspect to be proof that, before he was a pop star purveyor of cringe-worthy pop electro, David Guetta used to be a semi-respected DJ,” claimed lead researcher Dr. Barney Hamill from the University of Open. “Yes, that David Guetta…Don’t laugh.”
Dr. Hamill claims that he and his researchers spent months trawling through some ancient primary sources which he says point to the conclusion that David Guetta was, in the 90s, a DJ of some mild renown playing in popular French nightclubs.
“We found some evidence that he might have actually been a good DJ who played music for love in proper nightclubs,” claimed Dr. Hamill. “I know that that sounds like the opposite of what you’d expect from someone who now plays hour long sets at festivals for money and until we verify our evidence we still can’t say for sure, but it might be true that at one point he wasn’t completely feckless.”
“A lot of people often point to the suspected belief that he used to be a DJ when coming to the defense of David Guetta’s current output,” continued Dr. Hamill. “But it’s not much of a justification for all the bad things he’s done since, I mean, Hitler was a painter before he became a murderous dictator but people don’t leap to his defense and say ‘oh well he used to do brilliant watercolours of the Viennese cityscape back in the day so lay off on the whole killing millions of Jews thing.'”
Dr. Hamill claims that Guetta’s suspected career as a DJ ended around the start of the new millennium when himself and a vast team of writers like Joachim Garraud, Steve Angello, Sebastian Ingrosso, Carl Ryden, Jim Irwin and too many to fit in a normal sentence, decided to just release easy pop-EDM music instead.
“Around the start of the last decade team Guetta started releasing pop albums, none of which were that successful until he hired a team of writers and put the word ‘pop’ in the title, so that the type of soft-brained twerps it was aimed at knew for definite that it was pop,” he continued. “That was when he became the David Guetta of international notoriety and is the reason why it’s so difficult for people to accept that at one point, he might of been a DJ.”
Read: 7 Things You Could Buy For The Price Of A Ticket To David Guetta’s F*** Me I’m Famous In Ibiza
More: Madame Tussauds Unveil Wax Statue Of David Guetta That Is “Actually Better At DJing”
