Steve Aoki’s short lived life as a judge on Simon Cowell’s new DJ talent show, Ultimate DJ, is apparently over after the Dim Mak boss was voted off in the show’s preliminary rounds despite not being a contestant.
Witnesses have stated that Aoki was “totally out of his depth” when asked to judge the amateur DJs and offered little or no valid criticism or feedback.
“We had some really great DJs show up for the prelims,” claimed show producer Mike Phoenix. “Unfortunately I can’t say the same for Mr. Aoki. There were guys mixing two or even three tracks perfectly but Steve would just jump up on the table and scream things like ‘where’s the cake?’ or ‘do you even raft bro?’. It was really annoying and very off putting for the contestants.”
“The show’s based on a similar format to America’s Got Talent or American Idol so we’re also looking for people who don’t have a clue what they’re doing, to fill space and add comedic effect,” continued Mr. Phoenix. “Needless to say Aoki went crazy for these guys.”
“There was one dude who came out and didn’t even touch the decks. He just started doing tumbles and pulling faces,” revealed Phoenix, who has never DJ’d in his life but seems to have a better grasp on the art of DJing than Steve Aoki. “It was a total dud performance but Aoki loved him, he actually picked him as his Wildcard for the final and was already talking about a record deal with Dim Mak after the show.”
“For a so-called DJ he really fails to grasp even the most rudimentary of DJing ideas like reading a crowd, beatmatching or letting the music be the focus, not you,” continued Mike. “He’d be far more suited to judging a competition in which talentless clowns attempt to use all of their privilege and good luck to make a career out of being a throwaway gimmick.”
Reports indicate that Aoki received one hundred percent of public votes, despite not being a contestant and the show not airing until later this year, and will be unceremoniously asked to leave the show with immediate effect.
“We’re not really sure where the votes came from,” explained Phoenix. “We’ll just write it off as an act of God and be thankful we’re not inflicting his brand of cream-filled brash garbage on impressionable young DJs.”
Cowell is believed to be replacing Mr. Aoki with a small piece of paper with a crayon drawing of Hitler’s face on it, which he claims is “far more qualified, more loved and a lot less annoying” than its predecessor.