A young Scottish student has miraculously sobered up after being told to “walk around the block” by a bouncer during a class out last night, it has emerged.
Terence Donaldson, an English Literature undergraduate at the University of Glasgow, is believed to have been totally “pisshed” when instructed to take the unscheduled amble by security staff at the popular Neverland student night in Sauchiehall Street’s The Garage nightclub.
According to reports, Terence, known to friends as Wee Terry, had been drinking Buckfast mixed with Irn-Bru with a group of students before heading to the club in search of “some fanny”.
Roommate Andy Styles spoke to Wunderground, “We were absolutely slamming the Bucky and Irn-Brus round the house earlier on in the night. Wee Terry has this thing that he does where he gets a half bottle of buckfast, tops it up with Irn-Bru and swallys it one go. He thinks it shows how much of a man he is but I just think it makes him look like a pure dolly.”
“He was steamin’ pisshed,” confirmed Styles, in a language that bore a small semblance to English. “He could hardly walk, I was trying to get him to take half a swedger, to straighten him out, but he just told me to get tae fuck and carried on drinking. By the time we left he was walking up to random strangers and asking them if they knew where the Slam tent was, he was totally annihilated.”
Bouncer James ”Big Jim” Callaghan described the young man as “mad wae it” and claimed there was no way he was getting into the club in his current state.
“He wasn’t getting in, not on my watch,” confirmed Big Jim. “It’s the same here every Thursday, these student come down totally smashed and I have to tell them to take a walk around the block and come back to me, usually that just means they’re not getting in but the odd time it works and I’ll let them in, at the end of the day we want their money.”
“This Wee Terry lad was definitely one of the exceptions to the rule,” explained the bouncer. “When he came up to me at first he could hardly speak, I’m pretty sure he even called me Dad at one point, so I told him to get on his bike and go for a stroll. Miraculously he came back ten minutes later and he was alright, I let him in and told him to watch himself, he was no trouble.”
Reports from inside the club suggest that Mr. Donaldson’s new found sobriety was short lived after the student was seen “knocking back” two bottles of blue WKD and falling asleep in a small alcove, known as the “fingering section”, at the rear of the club.
