Ayrshire Police received a number of calls this morning, reporting a “zombie like man” walking up Kilmarnock’s High Street, which on further investigation turned out to be man who was on his way from a Halloween party.
Anthony Marshall, a part time mephedrone dealer, went to the Halloween party is his friends house late Saturday night and, despite not dressing up at all, bore a remarkable resemblance to a zombie as he was returning home this morning.
“I was sure he was a zombie,” claimed eyewitness Rita Ashworth. “His skin was so pale and he had big black bags under his glazed over eyes. He also made a weird groaning noise as he was hobbling along the High Street. Just like all of the zombies you see on TV.”
“I crossed the road as soon as I seen him,” added Mark, another witness. “I wasn’t sure if he was a zombie or a smack head but either way I didn’t want to cross his path. You’re either going to get asked for a pound or have your brains eaten and I didn’t fancy either of those things on a damp Thursday morning.”
According to Miles Duggan, Mr. Marshall’s friend and party host, he was relieved to finally get everyone out of his house after what will be remembered as the “greatest Halloween party ever”.
“It was such a good night, well actually five nights but you know what I mean, definitely the best Halloween party ever,” explained Mr. Duggan. “It wasn’t fancy dress or anything, although it did look a little bit like an episode of The Walking Dead in here a few hours ago, we just had lots of drink and drugs.”
“Anthony’s mephedrone ran out some time on Wednesday but thankfully the buzz never really wears off so it was enough to keep us going up until this morning. I’m still off my tits now to be honest with you,” continued Duggan. “I’ve been wanking myself silly since everyone left and I’m still wide awake. Hopefully I’ll nod off at some stage today. I’m supposed to be having a Bonfire Night party tonight.”
Unconfirmed reports indicate that Mr. Duggan finally fell asleep at some point shortly after midday, however, his respite was short lived after suffering a severe dose of night terrors and sleep paralyses forced him to turn on a Sopranos DVD box set.
