A man who has repeatedly shared pictures of quinoa salads on his Instagram page is believed to be secretly gorging on fish and chips.
Matt Davis, a twenty-six-year-old health fanatic wannabe, claims it is more important for people to believe you are healthy than it is to actually be healthy.
“I really love the idea of being healthy,” Matt said earlier. “On paper it’s great but, in reality, it’s not quite so appealing. I’m definitely more of a theoretical health freak than an actual health freak.”
“Other people thinking that I’m healthy is far more important to me than actually being healthy,” continued Matt, who joined a gym in 2013 and last attended it in 2013. “That’s why most of my healthy activities happen on Insta and Facebook rather than in real life.”
“Take the quinoa salads for example,” he explained. “They’re great for getting likes, some of which are from some really fit gym birds, and giving off the illusion of a healthy lifestyle, but that’s as far as I go with that kind of stuff.”
“There’s no way I’d actually eat that shit, unless somebody tricked me into it, it tastes like a tramp’s arsehole,” claimed Davis. “When it comes to what I actually eat, the unhealthier the better.”
“I’ve heard of some people watching food porn but, for me, I like my food exactly like I like my porn, greasy as fuck, consumed in private and laden with guilt.”