An innocent man has been forcibly removed from an Ibiza club after having what has been described as a gross hairy chest.
The man, 32-year-old James Atkins, who has a normal unshaved body and would be described by observers as portly, reportedly entered the club with a group of friends before being grabbed by security after removing his vest to reveal the unsightly hair.
“Nobody wants to see that, one second everything was fine, any bare male chests on display were plucked and preened, containing only a noticeable sheen of sweat,” “Everyone was dancing around, taking selfies and tensing their stomachs.”
“Straight away when I noticed this guy coming in I knew there’d be trouble, he obviously hadn’t worked out in years and was wearing a vest with Spongebob Squarepants on it, as if your appearance is no big deal and something to have a laugh with.”
“The only thing anyone was glad of was that he had the vest on because there were noticeable spiders of hair coming over the seam, I mean who comes to Ibiza without shaving their chest, back and crack? A fucking weirdo that’s who.”
Alex says that he stopped paying attention to the man because he heard an Avicii song come on the soundsystem and wanted to take the opportunity to impress some idiots with his ability to make his pecks dance to the beat.
“I was giving it my best Ibiza shuffle when suddenly I hear a commotion, I look over and rotund is being pulled out by the chest pubes after several people complained. There were girls nearby who had gone completely white and were vomiting into their sangrias. Everybody was just appalled.”
“He might as well have just come in, shat in the pool, pissed in a glass then drank it, then pissed that into the pool all while shouting racial and religious epithets, that’d have been arguably less offensive.
It was vile, that guy has a problem, he had hair on his body,” she shuddered. “He looked like a picture of your Dad from the 70s.
