A man has been left “rife with regret and riddled with self doubt” after making a poorly received joke at a house party last weekend.
Graphic designer and self proclaimed “Joke machine”, Dean Matthews, 25, was invited to the house party by attractive advertising creative and part time coke addict, Rachel Walker, 27, in the early hours of Saturday morning, after striking up a conversation with her in the smoking area of Twisted Pepper Nightclub.
Ms Walker confirms that she initially found Matthews to be both “charming and hilarious” and thought he would make a “welcome addition to [her] late night soiree”; unaware that her impulse invite would set in motion a chain of events that would leave the young man’s fragile sense of self worth in absolute ruin.
Initially welcomed with open arms by Ms Walker’s social circle, Matthews “was a big hit when he first arrived,” according to eye witness and fellow party attendee, Joe Swanton, 31. “He was cracking jokes left right and centre, every punch line was a bullseye. Then, once the music got going, he started breaking out all these whacky dance moves. To say they were well received would be an understatement. He was in the zone.”
This blissful honeymoon period of shambolic break dancing was not to last, however, with things taking a sharp turn for the tragic when Ms Walker playfully asked Matthews where he had learned to “Get down like that?”
With the cockiest of half smiles and a slightly raised left eyebrow, Matthews quipped that he was born with “Getting Down Syndrome,” before executing an off time pop and lock for comedic punctuation. It was here that the seeds of his self esteem’s demise were sown.
According to eye witnesses, Ms Walker immediately grabbed Matthews by the lapels, letting her thoughts on his offhand witticism known by shrieking, “My brother has Down’s Syndrome! My fucking brother has Down’s!” and slapping him repeatedly across the face. “My brother has Downs! How dare you?” the incensed beauty continued, upending a glass of wine over his head, “How fucking dare you!”
As Matthews froze to the spot, soaked and stunned, his face contorted into a twisted corkscrew of confusion and fear, cries of “That’s not on, man!” and “Who invited this absolute bell end?” began to ring out across the room.
“By all accounts,” Matthews admits, “the joke had gone down like a shit in the bed. I tried to explain that it was just a harmless play on words and that I didn’t mean anything against people with actual Down’s Syndrome, but they wouldn’t listen. The girl kept shoving a framed photo of her brother in my face and demanding I apologise to it. Out of sheer desperation, I tried to diffuse the situation with a ‘Knock Knock’ joke, but no one would take the bait.”
“Eventually a burly guy in the corner told me he was going to ‘Knock Knock’ me the fuck out if I didn’t apologize, so I sheepishly said my sorries to the photo and made a high speed beeline for the front door. It was awful.”
Uncertain of the future and entertaining thoughts of suicide, the traumatized shell of a man, who has not left his apartment or slept since the incident, made an impassioned plea to Ms Walker and her friends via Facebook on Sunday, begging them to reevaluate his joke by contextualizing it properly. He also pointed out that if anyone was the victim here, it was him, as their “willful outrage was making (him) feel bad about himself.”
The Facebook post received an astonishing 127 comments without the hour, all resoundingly negative, forcing Matthews to delete his Facebook account and take a lump hammer to his iPhone 4.
It is widely believed that Matthews will never make a joke again. More on this heart wrenching story as we have it.
