A university student has begun trying on vests three days prior to the start of Wireless Festival, it has emerged.
Since purchasing his ticket last month, Lee Smith, originally of Bolton, Lancashire, has tried on an estimated total of two hundred and twelve vests. The student has also had four “short back and sides” haircuts, while asking for a disproportionately large amount of hair to be left on top and fashioned into an “ultra-on-point quiff”.
When questioned about his early preparation at a recent bank holiday terrace party, the twenty two year old sports science undergraduate briefly stopped waving his left arm in the air and pouting, and said; “It’s really important to wear a good vest to Wireless Festival, mostly to make sure that people can see your biceps, it’s not really about the music, it’s about letting everyone know how on fleek you are but still looking like you don’t really care about being on fleek. There’s a fine line and I skirt it extremely well and that takes preparation. Whoever looks best in their vest is selected as the alpha male and gets first dibs on everyone’s ket”.
Adjusting his hair using the front facing camera on his iPhone, he pondered, “Like, I think some people who come down for the event don’t get like, how important vests and haircuts are. They end up getting annoyed at us shouting and spilling drinks on them because they want to ‘enjoy the music’ or whatever, but fuck them, they don’t have a squad like me and they’re just nerds anyway, probably won’t even be wearing vests. Oi Oi! Get the vodka Red Bulls in lad! Make mine a cheeky treble yeah?”
When asked about which act he was looking forward to seeing the most, he hesitated and replied; “Erm…. I think he’s called like … Garry Marnixx or something, I’ve heard he wears some proper sick vests.”
