Hundreds of people across the country have been left “terrified” and “mildly scolded” after seeing the ghost of divisive former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher while tripping on acid.
The former PM, famed for her callous disregard for human suffering, destruction of British manufacturing and speaking like a stern headmistress except not sexy, has reportedly been appearing fully formed in the acid trips of up to 200 people in the year and a half since her death.
“She appeared from behind the bed, like a kind of wrinkly ginger dandelion,” claimed one terrified prole, “but instead of being a colourful flower to be enjoyed she was more likely to close down the factory you worked in or turn a blind eye to the horrific sexual abuse carried by some of her senior staff.”
“She then took a glass of milk from my hand, smashed it against the wall and stridently told me that there was no such thing as society,” he continued. “After that she sort of cackled, spat in my face and told me to get a job.”
The reason that people are seeing Thatcher when they drop acid is not fully understood but it is suspected that the LSD may have either been dipped in a vat containing Boris Johnson’s semen or was accidentally printed on stamps depicting the former Tory leader.
“I once thought I saw the face of Alan Sugar in a packet of Twiglets,” claimed one man, “but it was actually a small pug angrily fighting with a child over a Tottenham scarf.”
Many observers of the phenomenon have been so traumatised by “the unspeakable horrors of [Thatcher’s] scaly teeth” as she berated them for being “feckless sponges” that they have sworn never to use LSD again.
“I actually didn’t know who it was at first as I was only born in 1992,” claimed one young acid user. “But when I told some older friends that I had been visited by a harsh, red haired woman in a drab grey suit with the charisma and charm of an asexual robot, instantly they said that it must be Margaret Thatcher because Rebekah Brooks was still alive.”
Some of the people who she has appeared to have apparently said they have had quite a pleasant experience when Thatcher visited them but observers have pointed out that 100% of them are from the Home Counties and possess an inherited income.
“How she treats you is dependent entirely on your background, if you’re a cab driver, a single mother or foreign she looks at you as if you were a fleck of shit on her shoes,” claimed an expert, “whereas if you’re a stockbroker, a banker or white British she pours you a glass of warm beer, watches the cricket with you and offers you the sexual services of a young boy.”
“Sort of like the Torys of today.”
