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September 10, 2016
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Marshmello Reveals Horribly Disfigured Face

American EDM novelty act Marshmello has sickened his fans after revealing a horribly disfigured face.

Best known for making a mockery of the industry, Marshmello is easily recognisable by his large marshmallow shaped helmet and until now has kept his identity completely secret.

“I’ll never be going to another Marshmello show after seeing what’s under that helmet,” claimed one distraught fan. “He looked like something out of a horror movie or a terrible industrial accident involving his face and vat of sulfuric acid. I’ve seen road kill that I’d rather kiss than that guy. To think I have his poster on my wall.”

According to DJ Mag sources, Marshmello had been tipped to break into the top twenty of this year’s Top 100 DJs poll, although, after revealing his “disgusting face” his chances of making the list at all now appear to be slim.

“I’d be very surprised if we see Marshmello in the poll,” claimed Wunderground’s source. “Everybody knows that looks and appeal to children are major factors when placing on our poll and after revealing a face like that he has two chances, slim and none, about as likely as Steve Aoki making the Resident Advisor list.”

“He looked like somebody tried to melt his face and then put it back together using sticks covered in shit, a bit like Tiësto actually.”

Marshmello has yet to comment on the incident although it is believed he is at home crying tears out of his chin.

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