Dutch EDM cheese monger Martin Garrix has reportedly been threatening local school children with wedgies, nuggies and wet willies if they don’t vote for him in DJ Mag’s Top 100 DJs poll.
A number of reports were made by concerned parents claiming that a “small elf like man with a funny accent” had threatened a number of children and forced them to vote using an iPad.
“All of kids around here are really scared,” claimed parent of three Nicole Burrows. “I don’t think I’d even let any of mine out to play if it wasn’t for Gavin, my eldest, he’s twelve and reckons he’d have this Garrix fella in a fight if he started any trouble.”
According to witnesses, Garrix has been enticing local children over to his car by telling them he only wants to talk to them then, when they arrive at his window, he forces them to register and vote for him on the DJ Mag website before making them take a USB stick with ten of his tracks on it and promising to listen to it when they get home.
School principal Armin Tamzarian revealed that a number of his pupils have been left in a shocked and distressed state following encounters with the Dutch DJ.
“I’ve had two histerical five year olds, an unconsolable seven year old and five sobbing nine year olds complaining about a bully in my office this week alone,” revealed Tamzarian. “The authorities need to do something about this before all of the local parents do, we’ve got no time for bullies around here.”
Fourteen year old Mitch Turner has vowed to “pound Garrix’s face in” if he catches him in the act of bullying children in his neighbourhood.
“He’s dead if I get my hands on him,” said an angry Turner. “He made my six year old sister cry so as far as I’m concerned he made cry and nobody makes me cry. He better be careful around here, it’ll be more than wedgies he’ll be getting if I catch him.”
Garrix has so far failed to comment on the accusations, although, sources close to the DJ claim that he is very angry after making the kids he bullied promise they wouldn’t tell on him.
