Mary & Joseph Turned Away From Berghain


Reports from Berlin suggest that Mary & Joseph have been turned away from Berghain, forcing the pair of weary travelers to look elsewhere for a place to rave.

Mary is believed to have been keen on a return to Berghain after a chance meeting with an angel named Gabriel in the club’s darkrooms earlier this year.

However, despite the fact that Mary had been there before, and even knew a few words in German, the club’s security refused them, claiming they didn’t fit with the vibe inside.

“That’s a load of bollox that is,” said an angry Joseph earlier. “This was the one chance I was going to get to find that prick of an angel that got Mary up the duff. I’ll probably never find him now. Who’s gonna pay child support for that kid, it’s not mine so don’t be looking at me.”

“Who do those security guards think they are anyway?” continued Joseph, a carpenter originally from Nazareth. “They said we couldn’t go in because Mary was pregnant but I thought anything goes in there. So you’re telling me you can make babies in there but you can’t have them? She’s not even due for a couple of weeks anyway, all we wanted to do was have a bit of a rave.”

“If you ask me, the real reason we didn’t get in is because we’re foreign,” he claimed. “They see a bloke like me, a bit Middle Eastern looking, wearing a robe, with a big beard and they automatically think I’m some sort of terrorist, but I’m not, sure I’m not even Muslim, I’m a Jew for fuck sake.”

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“Either that, or we just weren’t hipster enough for them. They’d probably have let us in if we were on a fixie instead of a donkey.”

Witnesses claim that, on their refusal, Mary and Joseph made their way to Watergate, where it is believed they had a much better time than they would have had in Berghain, because the tunes are way better in there anyway.

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In memory of Mary and Joseph getting turned away from Berghain, Wunderground has released a number of limited edition commemorative Christmas jumpers. Click here for your chance to own one, but remember to be quick because once they’re gone, they’re gone.

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Mary & Joseph Turned Away From Berghain

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