A local mad bastard has shocked his entire community by claiming that he regularly mixes drugs and alcohol and that the effects of the dangerous cocktail are in fact “brilliant”.
Michael ‘Mad Micka’ Wallace claims that “it’s only TV what says mixing drink and drugs is dangerous” and that he has been doing it for years and, despite two overdoses and one bout of alcohol poisoning, he has never had any problems with it.
He spoke to Wunderground about his recent revelation, “Everybody always says you shouldn’t mix drugs and alcohol but that’s just stupid, just because some poxy doctor or copper tells you it’s dangerous doesn’t mean it is, they don’t really care about you at all, they just want to make sure you don’t have any fun and stay alive.”
“I’ve been mixing drugs and alcohol since I was fifteen and I’ve turned out alright,” claimed the homeless, unemployed, father of eight. “People shouldn’t believe everything they hear on TV, we’ve got enough to worry about with chemtrails and subliminal advertising without getting our knickers in a twist worrying about what’ll happen if you have a spike of brown and a bottle of vodka, because I can tell you now that all that’ll happen is you’ll have a bloody brilliant time,” he added.
“I’m not saying there’s no danger at all, that’d be irresponsible,” continued Mr. Wallace, “but sometimes it’s the dangerous things that are the most fun, like pissing on electric fences, walking on train tracks or choking yourself while you wank. There’s nothing like nearly dying to make you realise how alive you actually are, and there’s no better way to nearly die than a good old fashioned drink and drugs binge.”
Sources close to Mr. Wallace have confirmed that he is actually “full of shit” after mixing “beer and grass and ending up on his ass”.
