Full time animal rights activist and part time electronic music producer Moby has announced that he is to eat a full packet of sausages in a bid to raise funds for the Aardvarks Are People Too Foundation, or the AAPTF.
Moby, who shaved his head to raise money for Baldness Awareness in the early 1980s and stuck with the look ever since, has claimed that “eating meat will be the ultimate sacrifice” and that he hopes to raise $250k by doing so.
“I’m sick of this world,” moaned Moby earlier today. “Everywhere you look people are killing animals. Did you know that there was a drone strike on a school in Syria last week, during school hours, and there was a turtle in one of the classrooms? That turtle is dead now. You know the world is a crazy place when innocent turtles are getting killed.”
“Thousands of animals are slaughtered every day just so people can eat and survive,” continued Moby, real name Richard Melville Hall. “I can’t sit around and watch that happening anymore so I’ve decided to eat an entire pack of sausages to raise awareness about the plight of modern day animals.”
“It’s pretty much the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus died on the cross, James Franco chopped his arm off in 127 Hours and now Moby is going to eat some sausages. Hopefully, now that people see the lengths I’m willing to go to, they’ll stop eating meat and maybe give a few dollars to the AAPTF.”
According to the Food Standards of America, the meat content in most American sausages is so low that Moby would actually “eat more meat if he accidentally swallowed a fly while riding his rapeseed oil powered trike”.
