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Mummified 200 Year Old Monk Isn’t Dead – Just In A K Hole

Mummified 200 Year Old Monk Isn’t Dead – Just In A K Hole

Mummified Monk Ketamine Mongolia Songino Khairkhan Province Buddhist Wunderground

One of the world’s leading scienticians has claimed that a mummified two hundred year old Buddhist monk, which was discovered in Mongolia in early 2015, is not dead but just in a “really deep K hole”.

The monk, which has been named Larry, was found under a pile of jackets in the Songino Khairkhan Province, where he is believed to have entered a ketamine induced comatose state at a party some time in the early nineteenth century.

“It’s a classic K hole,” claimed Morris Ryan, assistant vice-chairman of the International Ketamine Standards Association. “The Mongolian Buddhist monks have been using ketamine to aid their meditation, and their after parties, for centuries, we’ve actually found monks in a similar state to Larry on a number of other occasions.”

“Ketamine actually grows wild in the Mongolian highlands,” continued Ryan. “In the nineteenth century there were no laws or regulation controlling its growth, sale or supply so it would have been plentiful in the Songino Khairkhan Province. According to our research, Buddhist monks in the region were taking enough ketamine, in single doses, to kill even the biggest of today’s ket-heads.”

“I’d imagine Larry took a really large hit and went into a state known as Deep Hole Thrombosis,” explained Ryan, winner of the 2009 Ket-athon at the biannual World Ket Games. “His pals probably just thought he had passed out, covered him in a pile of jackets and then, no doubt due to their own ultra-kettyness, completely forgot he ever existed.”

“Once the body enters Deep Hole Thrombosis all of the internal organs slow down to an almost complete standstill,” continued Ryan. “They need very little energy to sustain this and the body starts to feed of its own mass to support them. That’s why Larry here looks like he could do with a few cheeseburgers, he was probably the size of a normal man two hundred years ago, now he’s only marginally bigger than Skrillex.”

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Rumours emerging from America suggest that EDM piss-parcel Steve Aoki is interested in buying the mummified monk.

Aoki is believed to think that, with a “little bit of training, a wig and some makeup”, Larry would make a perfect body double for himself and could be employed to take his place at up to half of his scheduled shows this year.

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