Nicki Minaj & Taylor Swift Having Naked Mud Wrestling Match In All Men’s Heads
Following the Twitterstorm between goodie-goodie pop warbler, Taylor Swift, and outspoken rapper, Nicki Minaj, the duo are set to settle their differences by competing in a mud wrestling match set to take place in the head’s of the entire male population.
“I don’t really know what they were fighting about but I think the only way to settle it is obviously to have a sexually charged wrestling match in a paddling pool filled with mud,” explained Harry Riggs, a 25-year-old 4Chan subscriber and full time masturbator. “It’ll be like the video for Christina Millian’s video for Dip It Low, except instead of one woman rolling around in muck for male gratification, there’ll be two.”
“Whenever two prominent female role models engage in any kind of argument,” he added. “It’s important that we afford them with the respect they deserve for their girlish catfight as well as a platform in which to act it out, like a handbag fight or a passive aggressive conversation.”
“But I think a semi-naked, gratuitously sexual, wrestling match surrounded by a circle of baying white men is the best way to settle their differences, whatever they might be,” he continued. “I might not understand the issue or care about it, but I’d definitely wank to it, and isn’t that more important?”
Reports claim that a large portion of the male population, upon seeing media reports of a “catfight” between the two women, immediately imagined them settling their differences by rolling around naked together, with clothes torn just enough that you could see some lathered boob or slippery ass.
“I think Nicki was making some point about how race is understood and rewarded in the music industry, claiming that her more successful video for the sexually charged Anaconda was overlooked for those reasons while Taylor’s Bad Blood was lauded,” explained one of the men who is currently fantasising about seeing the two women roll around clutching each other’s naked bodies or maybe pulling hair. “I don’t really know, I wasn’t paying too much attention to why the woman were fighting, I was just too busy thinking about them rolling around in mud, bending over or maybe kissing.”
Some mainstream news outlets like Fox News and The Daily Mail have reportedly floated the idea of starting a petition in the hopes that the two women, who at the time of going to print have amicably resolved their misunderstanding of the important identity issue, compete against each other in the wrestling match for $1 million each.
“We’d love to see these two strong, independent women, with all their intelligence and business savvy,” claimed a Daily Mail spokesperson, “fight to the death in a semi-naked, PPV wrestling match in the purest expression of female empowerment.”
“And if they’re not up for it well maybe we’ll just over inflate their next misunderstanding or just take some up skirt snaps,” he added. “It’s all the same to us.”