Nigel Farage & David Cameron “Going Halves On A Bag”

Fascistic UKIP hate-trumpeteer, Nigel Farage, and banker ball-fondler, David Cameron, have today put aside their marginal policy differences to go halves on a bag.

The historic bag-sharing accord has been hailed as a milestone in bi-partisan cooperation by political observers who suggest that the move will bring both of the respective parties and party leaders closer together while also being “a tidy bit of whizz, straight off the rock”.

“David is not opposed to going halves on bags with people if it’s the right thing for the country, and good shit,” claimed one Tory spokesperson. “Famously of course he went halves with Nick Clegg at the 2010 party conference in Bournemouth during which they listened to the Scarface soundtrack, drank warm beer and agreed to start an 80s synth band.”

“Even though they both had wildly different interpretations of the film Scarface, Nick thinking it was some kind of a bleak satirisation of the American Dream, and David thinking of it more as a handy how-to guide in getting what you want no matter the cost in human suffering,” continued the aide. “In the end they agreed to disagree and while they didn’t start a Scarface-inspired synth band, they did go into government together, which is the next best thing.”

Sources don’t anticipate that Farage and Cameron will go into government together but do anticipate the formation of an 80s synth band as “Thatcher’s 80s is the era that they want to revert the country back to, they both understand Scarface at face value and share a fondness for synth-pop”.

UKIP aides are reportedly delighted with the vote of mainstream approval that their leader going halvies on a bag with the PM represents and feel that the party will get a great deal of coke and political sway from it, “you know you’ve got your balls on power when you’re chopping lines out on a cistern with the corporate power base’s main meat puppet”.

“You see when Cameron went halves with Clegg he took about 80% of the bag,” confided one UKIP source, “while poor Nick was on the receiving end of some harsh Tory snobbery – such as having his tie mocked and his policies sidelined while being forced to make do with licking the crusted remnants of the bag on his knees like a dog, or the lesser partner in a power sharing arrangement.”

“So I think David going halves with the Nigester will be a great success as Nigel is a real character and likely lad,” laughed the UKIP source. “He tells this great joke about black people and the Irish that is not only funny but accurate too because they do both steal.”