A DJ from Doncaster, South Yorkshire, has been assaulted in a London nightclub after putting a donk on a deep house track.
Karl Metcalf, a.k.a. DJ KM, was playing a one off set in the city’s trendy XOYO nightclub when he made the tragic error.
“Karl’s set was going off right proper,” claimed friend and fellow northerner Harry Ramsey. “He was killing it, the only thing missing from the sultry deep house groove – was a bit of a donk.”
“Everyone knows the southerners are a bit soft when it comes to donks but up north we put a donk on everything,” continued Mr. Ramsey. “Even the National Anthem. You’ve not heard God Save the Queen till you’ve heard it with a donk on it.”
“I was up at the bar, counting my pennies to make up the price of a Stella, when I heard the donk,” explained Ramsey. “It were literally music to my ears. I was on my way up to the front when all them daft southerners gits started booing. They wouldn’t know good music if it punched them in the face,” added Ramsey who lists donk, Jimmy Nail and Tony Christie as his top three types of music.
“Next thing I know two or three of them lads jumped onto the stage and started giving Karl a right bashing, it were like watching Steven Gerrard punching DJs, only they were southerners so he got away relatively unhurt from their lovetaps.”
According to security staff, a number of patrons were ejected from the club following an assault on the DJ, who was later treated for his injuries on site.
Aggressor Phil Martini spoke to Wunderground in his defence, “I’m not sorry I hit that northern monkey, I’d do it again if I got the chance and next time I’d do it with a closed fist.”
“He put that awful donk sound effect on a Ten Walls track. Who does that?”
Mr. Metcalf has since returned to the north and has no immediate plans on returning south.
“I’m not sorry I hit that northern monkey.” Abit of racism fo’t lads! SMH
Using racist language to portray a character being an unsympathetic, aggressive bellend isn’t racist mate. If that was the case then you could tell Steve McQueen and the rest of the makers of 12 Years A Slave and any other film that uses racist language to portray evil characters that they’re racists for doing so. It’s called context but take offense if you want, which you very obviously do. Also I don’t even think it’s being used racially here, sounds like the London guy is supposed to be looking down on the northerners as being beneath him and chavs.
Northerners are not a race.
Hahahah, deep donk clearly sounds like a great idea
People always complain when their music goes a different way.
Seen it a lot, but here in the Netherlands nobody gives a fuck.
If it sounds good, why not, and you can always wait for the next tune….
The crowd let’s the DJ know what is in and what isn’t, so if they just kept their cool and waited, and showed the music was not what they like, he would switch anyway.
In my opinion, the aggressors are the moneys bitching instead with their mouth, they needed to bitch with their filthy hands.
Bless your heart.
It didn’t happen. The article isn’t real. None of the articles are real. This is a satirical website.
Yah I knew already.
Still these kind of things “could” happen for real.
Even if this article is fake, it could always happen.
I’m unable to locate credits for the photographer. Would you mind to add them 🙂
Whats even funnier is that the guy in the pic isn’t even a house DJ. he’s a finland DJ who likes reaking hard dance havoc all across the globe! he wouldn’t even shit on deep house its kinda to girly for his PROTEUS style of play 😉