A DJ from Doncaster, South Yorkshire, has been assaulted in a London nightclub after putting a donk on a deep house track.
Karl Metcalf, a.k.a. DJ KM, was playing a one off set in the city’s trendy XOYO nightclub when he made the tragic error.
“Karl’s set was going off right proper,” claimed friend and fellow northerner Harry Ramsey. “He was killing it, the only thing missing from the sultry deep house groove – was a bit of a donk.”
“Everyone knows the southerners are a bit soft when it comes to donks but up north we put a donk on everything,” continued Mr. Ramsey. “Even the National Anthem. You’ve not heard God Save the Queen till you’ve heard it with a donk on it.”
“I was up at the bar, counting my pennies to make up the price of a Stella, when I heard the donk,” explained Ramsey. “It were literally music to my ears. I was on my way up to the front when all them daft southerners gits started booing. They wouldn’t know good music if it punched them in the face,” added Ramsey who lists donk, Jimmy Nail and Tony Christie as his top three types of music.
“Next thing I know two or three of them lads jumped onto the stage and started giving Karl a right bashing, it were like watching Steven Gerrard punching DJs, only they were southerners so he got away relatively unhurt from their lovetaps.”
According to security staff, a number of patrons were ejected from the club following an assault on the DJ, who was later treated for his injuries on site.
Aggressor Phil Martini spoke to Wunderground in his defence, “I’m not sorry I hit that northern monkey, I’d do it again if I got the chance and next time I’d do it with a closed fist.”
“He put that awful donk sound effect on a Ten Walls track. Who does that?”
Mr. Metcalf has since returned to the north and has no immediate plans on returning south.
