The matter-of-fact lyrics to the latest rap sensation were written by the celebrity chef turned international cocaine ambassador, it has emerged.
Filming of the video also took place in a kitchen owned by Ms. Lawson, who maintains a number of trap-houses across the west coast, while the cocaine featured was provided by the chef from her personal stash.
Lawson said: “I’ve always wanted to rap, but I just didn’t feel I had the right voice for it. I’d end up sounding like Judy Finnegan channelling the spirit of Ed Sheeran, and that’s the kind of nightmare no one should be made to experience, so I gave up on the idea.”
“But then O.T. and I met when I did a community cooking class in Long Beach and we hit it off straight away. By the end we were hoovering lines of chang like it was Kerry Katona’s baby shower.”
“It was actually after that class that we came up with the popular ‘Baking Soda’ line.”
O.T. Genasis added: “Nigella cool and we hang out every time I’m in London. Last time I was over we caught up with that dude Charles Saatchi – the one who look like Professor Snape got jaundice.”
“We hung that motherfucker off his balcony upside down until his colostomy bag split and poured all down his shirt. Shit was disgusting.”
“Then Nigella made him go to the store to get everybody blunt wraps and Haribos.”
Industry insiders have said that more chef rapper collaborations are in the pipeline, with Gordon Ramsay said to be in talks to record the adlibs on Young Jeezy’s latest mixtape, and Marco Pierre
White planning to release a dancehall album in Spring 2015, following the success of his ‘Jamaican chicken with rice and peas’ YouTube recipe.
Internet rumours that a partially-disguised Greg Wallace has been standing in for Rick Ross during some of his European tour dates are yet to be confirmed.
