P Diddy To Release New Breakfast Cereal ‘Diddy Puffs’
After the success of his Sean John clothing range, his aftershave L’Arrogance and his series of breast implant clinics Puff Diddy’s One Hour Diddy Puffing, the millionaire mogul svengali entrepreneur (at least, this is what his press release says) is swaggering his way into the breakfast cereal market like an OG into a gunfight.
Diddy’s new cereal is a take on the familiar Sugar Puff, however, instead of sugar, they are frosted with high carat diamonds and cocaine. The press release promises a free toy in every box, which can be anything from a Glock 9 semi-automatic sandwich toaster to a second-hand hoochie.
There is a possibility, if you collect enough box tops, to send away for a chance to be in a new girl band that Puffy is forming with Nicole Scherzinger, the internationally famous stripper/singer.
“After a successful collaboration with Guy Gerber, my confidence is at an all time high,” the Mack Diddy told us today. “And that’s 10 in Puff Daddy confidence, which is 3000 in regular human. It’s like Charlie Sheen…And I don’t mean the actor, I mean that sheen you get after a load of cocaine.”
Puffy or Diddy or Sean, seen her looking weird without sunglasses, slurped some Cristal from a goblet made of his enemies’ teeth and continued, “I be just grabbin’ bitches and be all like, YO. Knowmean? So I thought I’d utilise this high flying self confidence for the betterment of breakfasts everywhere.”
The cereal is set to launch with an ad campaign that will feature the Cereal Killers (formerly “Serial”), a group consisting of B-Real, Xzibit and Demrick. They will perform a song written especially for the campaign called “Snap, Crackle, Pop a Cap in Yo’ Ass,” the video of which will see them take out the much loved cereal spokes-elves in a drive-by shooting.
Diddy claims it’s only meant as a bit of fun, saying, “they only little crackers anyway.”