The paranoia levels at a house party reached unprecedented levels last night after a bloke claimed that he couldn’t find his bag of coke.
Peter Winslow, seen by many at the party as a “sweaty gurning mess”, announced that his coke was missing and claimed that somebody in the room must have stolen it because there was no way he would have lost it.
“I’m glad that party is over, things got a little bit weird there for a while,” claimed house owner Alan Smith. “I had to kick everyone out, I didn’t really have any choice, once people start making accusations like that there’s only one way the party can go, and that’s down, quicker than a Kardashian in an NBA team locker room.”
Wunderground also spoke to Mr Winslow to get his opinion on the disappearing bag of coke, “I was sure one of those fuckers took my bag of coke, there was a few lads there who live on the other side of the train tracks and they’re all fucking scum over there so I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if it was one of those scruffy cunts that took it because there was no way I would have lost it.”
“Luckily enough I found it in my johnny pocket when I was walking home, I knew I was right, I definitely wouldn’t have lost it, I’m just glad I put it somewhere safe enough that those dirty little bastards weren’t able to rob it on me,” continued Winslow. “I thought I checked there earlier, at least now I won’t have to share it with anyone.”
According to reports, Mr Winslow lost and found his bag of coke a further three times that night before eventually spilling it on his bedroom floor, resulting in him getting down on all fours and sniffing it directly off the carpet.
