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People Who Take Nos Balloons 90% More Likely To Shart On Nights Out

People Who Take Nos Balloons 90% More Likely To Shart On Nights Out

People who regularly inhale nitrous oxide are ninety percent more likely to shart themselves on nights out, it has emerged.

The news will be a worrying development for hundreds of thousands of young people all over the world who use the legal high, also commonly referred to as “hippy crack”.

“The number of people sharting themselves on nights out has risen steadily since people started using nitrous oxide recreationally,” confirmed expert Ian Hale. “Before hand sharting incidents were quite rare and mostly confined to people who had drank lots of pear cider or eaten a dodgy curry but now they’re a much more common occurrence.”

“When people inhale nitrous oxide they tend to hold their breath for as long as possible,” continued Mr. Hale. “This creates a buildup of gas in their bodies, which naturally travels to their bowels. People who say they enjoy taking it or that the buzz from nitrous oxide is good are generally full of shit so when we add these two factors together we get what is known as a shart red alert.”

Dr. Hale went on to warn all people who frequently take nitrous oxide that they should “never trust a fart”, particularly when they are drinking and their “body is more relaxed than usual”.

Wunderground spoke to one nitrous oxide user who fell victim to the dreaded shart, “I’d been using nos quite heavily for around a year. I was at a festival and I was sitting on the ground, as I went to stand up I felt a little fart and just let it go. Big mistake!”

“It was horrible, luckily I was quite close to my tent so I was able to temporarily clean myself off until I managed to get to the showers,” claimed the young man who has asked for his identity to be kept anonymous. “I’ll never take laughing gas again.”

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