Reports from the hospitality industry suggest that other people’s children are set to ruin Sunday drinking in the for everyone again this weekend.
Other people’s children have been on a hot run of ruining Sunday sessions for people in the pub, having consecutively ruined every weekend since the introduction of modern licensing laws in the late 1800s.
James Swift, a serious drinker, believes that pubs and other areas where drinking takes place, including park benches, town squares and the back of shops, are no place for children and should be kept strictly adult only.
“The last thing I want to be dealing with when I’m drinking are other people’s children,” he told us. “I’ve spent my entire life avoiding my own kids when I’m drinking so why the fuck should I have to deal with someone else’s? If you ask me, people who bring their children to the pub on Sundays are just selfish pricks and probably shouldn’t be allowed to have children in the first place.”
“Take my family for example, my kids are all ten or older now so they’re well able to look after themselves when me and the misses go down the boozer,” continued Swift. “But, before that, two or three years ago, we had a system, she’d go to the pub on Saturday and I’d go to the pub on Sunday. Do you know when the children went to the pub? Never, because they’re fucking children.”
“Sunday is some of the best drinking time in my week,” revealed Swift. “I’ve had Saturday off so I’m not wrecked from work, I’ve had my dinner at lunch time and there’s football on, plus I’ve to go back to work the next day so I’ve to make the most of it, then when I get there I’ve got some little snot-nosed nightmare staring at me, bumping of my chair and asking me for one of my crisps. If I wanted that, I would have stayed at home.”
“I’m not saying that people who bring their children to the pub should have their children taken off them, but people who bring their children to the pub should definitely have their children taken off them.”