A thirty-year-old woman has admitted that she is still pretending to know the difference between Merlot and Pinot Noir, despite having well over ten year’s worth of wine drinking experience now under her belt.
Jade McMorrow, a legal secretary, claims that she likes drinking red wine but has never educated herself on the details that surround its drinking.
“If someone asks me if I like wine, I always say ‘yeah, I love it’ because I do love it,” Jade explained. “Then, they always follow that up with a whole string of other questions that just go way over my head. Why do people have to make it so difficult, it’s not rocket science, it’s wine. Can’t we just drink it because it’s nice and it’s fun?”
“I mean, why do I need to know about grapes and barrels and climate and geography to know how to drink wine?” she questioned. “The first time I drank it I was sixteen and I didn’t know about any of that shit then but I had a bloody good time. Now, I’m thirty and I still don’t know about any of that shit and I’m still having a bloody good time.”
“I can’t tell the difference between a Pinot Noir and Merlot but it doesn’t matter because, if I drink enough of it, I won’t know the difference between my arse and my elbow either and that’s just the way I like it,” continued McMorrow. “When it comes to types of wine, there’s two, red and white, and that‘s all I need to know.”
“What I don’t need to know are the very subtle differences in the caramel overtures between the 1998 vintage and the 1999 vintage, explained by some snotty little prick looking down his nose at me,” she scoffed. “At the end of the day, you might think you’re being all sophisticated drinking it but after a bottle and a half we’ll both be making bad life choices and doing things sober us would never do.”