A newly wed couple have filed for divorce just two weeks after getting married in Ibiza, due to a fall out over the wedding saxophonist.
Monica and Joe Schofield are believed to have spent in excess of thirty thousand pounds on the wedding of their dreams on an island they visit each summer to “get off their nut”. The couple are often heard telling random strangers “couples that rave together, stay together”.
“I can’t even look him in the eye after this fuck up,” moaned Monica. “Every year we go to a beach club where some dolled up dollybird saxophonist plays her mundane tunes over some shit, generic house music. This year, after one too many pills we thought it would be a brilliant idea to book her to play at our wedding. At the time, it seemed like an outstanding life choice. We thought people would go crazy for it on our big day, just like they do in these clubs.”
“It was going so well until she performed,” continued an irritated Monica. “We made a pact of no drugs at the wedding in front of our families, and I can tell you now that without any MDMA, coke, ket or pills in my system, watching her play was a whole new level of shitness. People quite literally got up and left my wedding. My mates thought it was a dare. My grandma tried attacking her as she thought it was musical terrorism from ISIS.”
Wunderground caught up with husband Joe, to find out his views, “It goes to show that a bit of sunshine, a few semi naked birds and a bucket load of drugs affects a man’s better judgment,” laughed Joe who obviously saw the funny side. “Ten years I was with Monica, and it took this saxophone catastrophe to end the relationship, that’s how fucking terrible it was. I urge anybody who thinks they enjoy live sax PA’s to stop taking drugs and start re-evaluating what’s important in life, or risk cringing to death at a later date.”
