Trouble occurred at a rave recently after a T-Rex criticised the state of modern drugs, claiming pills were “much stronger” in his day and annoying local dealers in the process.
Sixty five million year old Bob the T-Rex, known locally for being outspoken and a bit of a hard-bastard, is believed to have “rambled on” about needing two or three pills before feeling anything from them, whereas during the Triassic Era, when the dealers actually “sold proper drugs”, he would be “buzzing for hours” having only taken half.
“It’s bollox,” he told us. “Everything is getting worse and worse. Cocaine is cut with a load of shit, MD is weak, and now pills are about as strong as paracetamol. All I want is some decent bits so I can get off my nut with my pals. Is it too much to ask that I get a decent pill for once in my life? Or do I have to listen to every muggy little dealer telling me his pills are the best?”
“I don’t need this shit in my life. I’m like, one of a kind, can’t get a girlfriend, have no family left and live alone. My arms aren’t long enough to wipe my own arse so believe me when I say I’ve got problems. Just let me get wonky on decent drugs please, before I lash out and bite someone’s arms off.”
Wunderground spoke to Big Mick, a local drug dealer, about Bob’s claims, “He’s ruining my reputation and I won’t have it,” he said, full of seriously misplaced courage. “That little armed prick thinks he can say what he wants and that everyone is afraid of him, but I’m not. Just because he’s a man-eater, he thinks people should be cautious.”
“I’m a fucking drug dealer pal, there’s nobody more dangerous than me. I sell illegal shit and carry a taser gun in my car, if he starts giving it the big-man act again I’m going to teach him a lesson.”
Having heard the threats made by Big Mick, Bob offered a solid response, “I am going to coat that cunt in his own pill dust and swallow him whole.”