Psytrance Fan Mistakes His Unhygienic Penis For Infected Mushroom
A crusty psytrance fan from Birmingham, England, has apparently mistaken his unhygienic and unwashed penis for the popular Israeli psytrance duo Infected Mushroom.
Ben Reynolds, who also DJs under the name DJ Psy-borg but can’t get any gigs because he smells like a sack of rotten meat, made the mistake while “tripping balls” on the popular hallucinogenic party drug L.S.D., also known as acid.
“I was totally flying when it happened,” claimed Reynolds, who doesn’t believe in washing because it’s bad for the environment. “I think I was taking a piss or picking some lice out of my pubes when I noticed that my penis looked a lot like, what I imagine, an infected mushroom would look like.”
“I think I may have been joking with myself at first but once the idea of having an infected mushroom for a dick was planted in my head it didn’t take long for my imagination, and the acid, to completely run wild with it,” continued Reynolds. “Before long I had totally convinced myself that there was a full blown psytrance gig, being headlined by Infected Mushroom, going on in my trousers.”
“I was wandering around Tesco telling anybody who would listen that there was a party in my pants and that everyone was invited,” recounted Reynolds embarrassingly. “Most people just said things like ‘fuck off you smelly prick’ or ‘in your dreams hippy’ but some of them were getting really upset over it and eventually the security guards kicked me out.”
“It wasn’t until I found my way home and thought about it that I realised how much of a weirdo I must have seemed,” claimed the crusty psytrance fan who still seemed like a pretty big weirdo while sober. “I nearly washed myself after reflecting on it for a couple of hours but then I remembered all the millions of bacteria that I’d kill if I did and thankfully came to my senses.”
“I still think it would have been great to actually have Infected Mushroom playing in my pants,” claimed the thirty three year old unemployed weed smoker. “Maybe I will someday. I’ll tell you who won’t be playing, Hot Since 82, unless he changes his name to Relatively Clean From 82-99, Pretty Dirty From 99-2010 And Absolutely Mankey Since 2010, it doesn’t really have the same ring to it though.”