Man Makes Mental Note Not To Share Drugs With The Loud Annoying Girl At Party
An ordinarily generous young clubber made the mental note not to share any of his drugs after coming across that loud annoying girl at the party.
The girl, who was amusing herself by stealing people’s drinks, loudly requesting shit tunes and grabbing bloke’s arses, immediately made 23-year-old weekend drug warrior Paul Phillips aware of her thanks to how cretinously she was dancing and the stain all down the front of her dress.
“I could tell straight away that the moment she knew I had some narcs that she’d be all over me like a Premier League footballer on a drunk teenager, so I immediately made the mental note that she wasn’t getting any of what I had,” explained Paul, who claims he was more than happy to offer bumps and share his stuff around as he was “not a stingy cunt, but had to draw the line at giving free drugs to obvious muppets”.
Describing her as the physical embodiment of nails down a blackboard and “a selfish, involved loud mess of a human woman” Paul says that he comes across a session bint like this at almost every party and that “they’re basically just on the hunt for drugs and drama”.
“I knew my decision to give her fuck all was justified when she sidled over to me after seeing me give my mate Pete a line,” continued Paul. “She was nice as pie, pretending to like my jeans and asking me about my weekend plans.”
“As a test to see if she was genuinely being sound or just buttering me up for my drugs I made a series of offensive, unfunny jokes to see if she’d laugh, knowing that if she did that she was horrible person who was fake laughing for free drugs,” he explained. “She howled with laughter and touched my arm at the elbow when I made the Madeleine McCann AIDS joke, I knew then that she was a cretin and not sharing my ket with her was the right thing to do.”
Paul claims that when the girl, whose name he didn’t provide, finally got through her preamble and asked him for a bump he refused on the pretense that he didn’t have much left and was “going halves with Sam”.
“She called me a stingy cunt, knocked my drink over and fucked off,” he concluded. “People thought I might be embarrassed because of the scene she made but I was too busy basking in how right I was not to share my shit with annoying and obnoxious twerps.”