Festival sources have revealed that this year’s Ass-psylum Festival will be the first ever psytrance festival to have onsite showers.
According to local crusty Simon “Psy-mon” Jones, the showers will be a waste of space and will take away from the festival’s atmosphere.
“I’ve never heard anything so stupid in all of my life,” he told us. “And I’ve been going to psytrance festivals for years so, believe me, I’ve heard lots of stupid shit.”
“Who’s going to a bloody festival to have a shower?” he continued. “It totally goes against the psytrance ethos. We’re all crusties and proud of it too.”
“They would have been far better off putting in a marketplace for selling our homemade scrumpy cider, nobody’s going to use stupid bloody showers.”
Festival organisers claim the decision to instal showers was made after locals claimed the smell from the festival was damaging the local environment.
“The smell from the campsite is said to have caused a tiny hole in the ozone layer above the festival site, if we don’t install showers, we may have to shut the festival down altogether.”
Wunderground asked 100 psytrance fans if they would use showers at festival, 1 said “yes”, 93 said “no” and 6 said they “wouldn’t even shower at home, let alone at a festival”.