Car manufacturers and analysts have decided to embark on a programme which will see the traditional car alarm siren being replaced by psytrance music.
Designers at the Mercedes plant in conjunction with scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have been working closely to attempt to find a sound that is more “piercing and grating than a normal siren.”
A spokesperson for Mercedes explained the reasoning behind the project, “We’d noticed that the regular siren wasn’t working as a strong enough deterrent for car thieves so we began the search to find a sound that is repulsive to the human ear. Thankfully with the help of our colleagues at MIT, we think psytrance music might just be distressing enough to fend off car thieves.”
Chief researcher behind the project, Dr. Thomas Muller, claimed that over the course of their research they tried out a host of sounds like cats dying, babies crying and fingernails being scraped down a blackboard but found that psytrance was “65% more annoying than all other possible aural frequencies.”
“With some of the milder sounds like the babies crying the test listeners would experience a shudder or a wince or mild pant wetting,” explained Dr. Muller, “but with psytrance the effects were more pronounced, with a small minority of people begging for us to either make it stop or to just kill them. Unfortunately one man took his own life rather than listen to anymore psytrance….Which was a promising result for the test.”
Dr. Muller went on to explain how in the initial stages they were hoping to recruit a well known psytrance musician to make the music for the alarm. “We then realised there was no such thing as a well known psytrance musician so we approached a number of psytrance musicians, all of whom rejected us. Thankfully though the music is so shit and mindless that even non-musicians like me can master it.”
