Radio stations across the UK have today been forced to slow the bpm’s of all tracks they broadcast to under 70 beats per minute in an effort to stop road death fatalities.
Terry Knobber, chairperson of the National Parade Pissing Authority spoke directly to Wunderground earlier today; “It’s a really simple set of facts we are dealing with here. People are listening to dance music when they are driving, we know this to be true. Dance music tends to be faster in its BPM’s than other genres and nearly always over 70bpm, except for the Ibiza chillout albums but nobody listens to them anymore cos they’re shite.”
“We also know that people are dying on our roads. We see this every week and it’s something we simply cannot deny.”
“How are we as sensible common-sense filled people supposed to sit idly by while people listen to dance music while driving and people are dropping dead on the roadsides. This madness has to stop!”
“If we eliminate one, we will eliminate the other.”
“And so it is with immediate effect that all radio stations across the UK must stick to playing only music under 70 beats per minute.”
“We considered better infrastructure, more speed cameras, dedicated cycle lanes to take cyclists away from cars and a whole host of other safety related ideas, but we all concluded it was definitely best to deal with the dance music issue first.”
In other bpm related news, the National Authority For Pissing Off Stoners has also this morning banned all music under 68bpm in an effort to stop people driving while being stoned, meaning it is now only legally possible to play music at exactly 69 beats per minute.
Jimmy “69er” Fallon, who runs the 69bpm only music label “We Love 69’s” today gleefully stated “It looks like a boom year for us this year!”