Richie Hawtin Sells Hair To Cash 4 Gold For £1.2 Million

Richie Hawtin has reportedly sold his hair to Cash 4 Gold for a fee believed to be in the region of £1.2million.

Hawtin, best known for having DNA that is almost one hundred percent identical to yellowfin tuna, is believed to have cashed in on his hair to help fund the development of the Play Different model 2 mixer.

“Richie’s a wealthy man, but funding the development of such a state of the art piece of equipment doesn’t come cheap,” revealed a source close to the DJ. “So, he’s decided to take advantage of the fact that he grows threads of eighteen-carat gold directly out of the top of his head to make a few extra quid.”

“He’s putting eight extra knobs on the mixer,” he continued. “That might not sound like a whole lot of work, you’re probably thinking that he just needs to make it a little bit bigger but it’s not as simple as that. First of all, he needs to come up with things for the knobs to do, then he’ll worry about squeezing them in.”

“So far, he’s only assigned a function to one of the knobs,” explained our source. “It’s the fart filter, it lets him completely drown out the noise of any farts he squeezes out while he’s playing, which is usually quite a lot, he can literally be ripping away in the DJ booth and no one will be able to hear anything, no matter whether they’re listening to his set live or watching a recording.”

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“That knob alone, has set him back almost £400K and he hasn’t even started to look at ways to extract the smell of his farts from the air of the DJ booth, which is likely to cost another couple of hundred grand, so he’s really going to have his work cut out staying within budget.”

Hawtin has yet to comment on the sale of his hair, although it is believed he will address the issue once he offloads his extensive hair brush collection to the highest bidder.

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