Reports emerging from music industry suggests The Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards has been found covered in moss.
Richards, who recently surprised the entire world by surviving 2016, was reportedly found “covered head to toe” in Moss while sleeping in a bush earlier this week.
Eyewitness Joe Barnes spoke to Wunderground, “I was walking by the bush when I heard this really loud snoring noise,” he explained. “I’m very inquisitive and I hate minding my own business so I decided to stick my nose in and have a look. I was expecting to see a drunk or a homeless person and to have a good old tut to myself but what I saw was something completely different.”
“At first, I didn’t know what the fuck it was,” continued Joe. “It looked a bit like a sleeping zombie but it also liked a bit like a scarecrow. For a minute I thought I had walked on set during the filming of some sort of Wizard of Oz zombie apocalypse movie but then it woke up, looked me in the eye and said ‘fuck off I’m having a kip’. I’d recognise Keith’s gravelly bark anywhere and I realised it was actually him, covered in moss.”
According to reports, Richards entered the bush, with two birds, three days earlier following a mammoth six-day session and later fell asleep, remaining stationary long enough for moss to gather all over him.
At the time of going to press, sources close to Richards have confirmed the seventy-three-year-old has had all of the moss removed from his skin, rumours suggest he rolled it up and smoked it shortly afterwards.