In breaking news from the depths of Hell, Satan is believed to be taking inspiration from the recent calamitous Fyre Festival while redecorating his home.
According to reports, the Devil, known as Phil to his friends, has grown tired of his decor and is looking to modernise his dwellings.
Theresa May, the British Prime Minister and a former lover and close confidant of the Devil, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “Phil is really sick of the whole fire and brimstone vibe he’s got going on down there. It’s been about ten thousand years since he last decorated so it’s well overdue, the place looks so dated. To be honest with you, if he’d had this kind of get up and go and actually done something about the place we’d probably still be a couple.”
“The constant smell of burning flesh and the various torture devices around the place didn’t bother me at all,” continued May. “It was the prehistoric furniture that really got on my tits. Satan’s a big guy, his bed was made of stone, can you imagine how uncomfortable it is for a bony old witch like me to get ploughed on a bed like that? Sometimes sex felt more felt like I was one of the damned than his actual lover, we had to break up but we’re still good friends.”
“The thing with Phil is that he’s really softened in his older years,” claimed the prime Minister. “He used to be all about fear and eternal suffering whereas now he’s all about themes and matching colour schemes. He just loves festivals but, up until now, they’ve always been too happy and jovial for hell so you can imagine how happy he was to hear about Fyre Festival.”
“He’s decided to completely gut the place and rebuild everything in Fyre Festival’s image,” she revealed. “He’s even hired Ja Rule and Kylie Jenner as consultants.”
Wunderground contacted the Devil’s office but were told he was unavailable for comment, sources close to the Prince of Hell later confirmed the only media outlet he will talk to is The Sun.