Satan To Invoice Skrillex And Diplo For Their Souls After Justin Bieber’s Ultra Appearance
Reports emerging from the fiery, sulfurous pits of hell today indicate that Satan is set to invoice Skrillex and Diplo for their souls after the pair invited pop poster boy, Justin Bieber, to “perform” with them at Ultra Music Festival.
In a move that officially confirms the pair have crossed the line from mediocre EDM producers to mediocre pop mercenaries, Skrillex and Diplo allowed Bieber to make a string of awkward looking contortions on stage, while they pressed buttons and twisted knobs to a track that sounded like the result of crossbreeding a Fisher Price toy and a bass drum.
“I wasn’t really sure what was happening,” explained witness Mike Holden. “Skrillex and Diplo are supposed to be good but that show was just crap. Bieber coming out and twitching on the stage for a few minutes was the final straw for me, he wasn’t even dancing, it looked like he was having a fit or something. Those guys are such sellouts, I’ll never listen to them again.”
Hell mailroom attendant, and malevolent rape-demon, Blazdog the Brutal, claimed that Skrillex and Diplo will have twenty eight working days to make good on their payment to the Lord of the Underground, not to be confused with Carl Cox.
“It’s a pretty standard procedure, people sell their souls to Satan all the time,” explained Blazdog earlier. “The invoice will go out in the next couple of days and they’ll have just under a month to settle their debt or the big fella will send an army of goblins to torment them, flail their skin off and drag them, kicking and screaming, back here.”
“Skrillex and Diplo actually got a pretty good deal. They get to work with Bieber, who’s actually an Imp, and they’re sure to make a lot of cash,” continued Blazdog, who has worked in Hell’s mailroom since the mid fourteenth century. “Some people get fuck all, apparently Paul Oakenfold made a similar deal about fifteen years ago and only got paid a pack of salt and vinegar Pringles.”
“They’ll never be able to claim to be credible DJs or music producers again though,” added Blazdog, who claims to have raped over 20,000 murderers to death during his 1,500 years on earth. “But that shouldn’t be too much of a problem for them, they never really were in the first place.”